August marks month number eleven of my stay-home-mom career. I can't believe it. Once again, I ask myself, "
where has the time gone?"
Rarely do I think about the stress that my teacher friends, and other teachers for that matter, are enduring. (Teaching school is not for the faint at heart.) I am currently living the "in your sport shorts/t-shirt with socks and tennis shoes wardrobe, no make-up, hair in pony-tail, sleeping til 7:30ish because there is no schedule" stay-home-mom life style. It isn't easy, I must say. And as a matter of fact, there are days when I think that being at school, and the boys at daycare would be
so much easier. However, it has become the norm and the stresses of my day involve the never ending mess of the kitchen, as well as the living room floor, and the mountains of laundry (both clean and dirty), the fussy children in the afternoons who fight over every toy in the toy box, and the inability to completely clean my house in one day, amongst others. Those things stress me. My OCD tendencies are so far in the past that I can't even see them, but there are days when I really do miss them. Sounds trivial to some I'm sure, but some days the continuous mess is annoyingly stressful.
The rest of that is for another post; back to my heart strings...
A week or two ago, I was at Target browsing around, (which is why my buggy always ends up fuller than planned), when I turned the corner, and BAM! the school supply section slapped me square in the chest. It took my breath away. It made my stomach knot up. I felt weak in my knees. Tears were going to well up in my eyes if I didn't leave the area. Where had I been? Why hadn't I realized that the school supplies were on the shelves? Was time passing so quickly that I had missed this exciting time of the year when I am usually working so hard preparing to meet my new students? I L.O.V.E. this time of the year. I couldn't bring myself to browse the aisles of supplies. The smell of the crayons was enough. I knew I needed to head to the shoes or jewelry or even the toys. My heart was sad. The school supply section tugged at my heart strings. It tugged really hard as a matter of fact.
How thankful I am, however, for the opportunity to stay at home with our boys and for Russ' hard work that allows me to do so. Our children are our most prized possessions in the whole wide world, and oh, my goodness, what others would do to stay home with their children.
I am so very thankful for the past 11 months. I wouldn't change it for the world. Our boys "know" each other, they "know" us, our expectations for them in certain areas is clearer than ever, we've been able to travel whenever we want, and when I doubt any of this or whether or not I'm doing a good job, I remember
Mandy telling me that daycare is great, but there really is no better place for children than with their mama... (she lines up second best behind our family, however) and I trust her with my kids' lives. So when things seem upsy-daisy with the chaos in our house, I always remember what she told me.
And with
all of that said, I do miss the classroom. I miss the routine life style that goes with working outside the home. This is the first August in eight years that I haven't prepared a classroom. Although it is a tiring and often a stressful way of life, it's what I believe I was "made" to do. What God designed me to do. I love the presence of school children and watching them learn and grow is extremely rewarding and satisfying. Helping shape them into positive contributors in our society is exciting and heart-warming, too. I believe I belong there, and believe that is why the school supplies at Target were tuggin' on my heart strings. Loving what you do in life certainly holds a piece of your heart. I hope to go back some day. I hope for our boys to go back to school some day, too. They need the interaction and educational pieces, as well.
BUT... until then, when I see the school supplies, I will smile and remember the wonderful things about being at home with my
calm boys and will look forward to those lovely school supplies when the time returns. And I must say that I can't seem to get away from them... circulars in the mail, Michael's, Wal-Mart, Barnes & Noble, Hobby Lobby, T.V., the grocery... they are everywhere. Some days I'm like, really? Does everyone have to carry them? Oh, well... it's really
not about me. It's about God and trusting that I am exactly where I need to be at this point in our life. We will continue to pray that the daily chaos that goes on under our roof will not scar our boys for life. :) And that God will guide us on a narrow path with His lamp beneath our feet as we move through each day.
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My friend, Elizabeth, never posts an entry without a picture, I decided I kind of like that idea so here you go...
Did you notice how much they love Miss Jones?
They are throwing her a surprise party... that's how much they love her!
And what does this indicate?
She must love them because love is reciprocated, and when children know that their teacher loves them they will move mountains.
Hats off to the great teachers in this world... from daycare and preschool all the way through college.
They really do shape our future!
